I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
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