She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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