I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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