Me. At least after what I've been through.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
