Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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