Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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