I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
