my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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