I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
