So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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