I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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