If that was your dad, he is hot
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
