Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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