Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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