planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
