Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
