Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
