I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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