I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
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