I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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