i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize