i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
