Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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