so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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