high people should be assigned attendants
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
third nipple confirmed
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
