This is not my ceiling
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
This is classic penis vs brain.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
