Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
