I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
