sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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