Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
