what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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