omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
