There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
false alarm. still invincible.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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