Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
