I'm passing your future prison.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
This is my gift to your gina
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
i believe in u and ur pee
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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