when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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