She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize