You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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