i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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