We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
