First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize