Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
