I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
