Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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