I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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