Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize