You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
