she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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