She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
