He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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