This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
