my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
