One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
