my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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