Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
