Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
