we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize