I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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