I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
