That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
she woke up with a sticky ear
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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