She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
last night I used snow as a chaser
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
