I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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