He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
