walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
