My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
