just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
