I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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