my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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