Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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