it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
