I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
