pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
