she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Randomize
