tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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