I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
