Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
