I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
