I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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