please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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