FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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