Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
