so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
