smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
