tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
