I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
