The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
