If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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