I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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