I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
