Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
