he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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