someone get that fucking seahorse.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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