Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
