I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
you had me at cake vodka
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
